i just someday wanna feel like an actual adult. not like a 12 year old girl that is scared of everything, can hardly stand up for herself and doesn’t know what she wants. i feel like i’m stuck and like i can’t move away from this image cause that’s how i’ve always been and that’s how my parents, family and friends have always seen me. i’m 23, unemployed, dropped out of college and i don’t have a clue what kind of job i want. i still live with my parents. i barely have friends and the ones i have irl i tend to avoid because socialising is just too exhausting and feels like chore and it’s stressful. i’m still single. meanwhile my 21 old sister has done loads of student jobs, has graduated from college and is going to study for one more year, is in a relationship and is living together with her girlfriend. 

it all makes me feel terrible and it feels like it’s never going to change. i just wanna be like all the women i look up to so much and have my life at least somewhat together. i don’t wanna be the scared little girl anymore and i don’t wanna be seen as one anymore. but i can’t change how my brain works.